Monthly Feature

August

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Michelle Tillman 

 I work as the administrator at a faith based non profit organization. I enjoy writing spoken word, dancing, and cooking. I am fine tuning my passion for helping people reach their goals and in the planning stages of a new business venture. Video Response

He couldn't wait 11 days... (1)

Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you

Self:

I was so shallow with my dating choices, and it was because my own physical insecurities. I felt like I had to prove a point that I could be with an attractive man, and it was very important to me that my friends/family thought my boyfriends were attractive.

Life:

Don’t be afraid to change your life completely when everything comes crashing down. Change is good!

Relationships:

To ask tons of questions face to face. Never give anyone the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. Check their references!

What/Who Was Most Influential in Your Healing? How? Why?
Fitness and Family. After I broke up with him, I NEVER SPOKE TO HIM AGAIN. Being separated from him totally was a major part of my healing. I took out my frustration at the gym and eating better to become my best self! I lost 70lbs in 6 months I was so pissed. I wanted to make sure that the way I looked never affected the type of man I thought I deserved. (Lets not talk about how I gained it all back 3 years later though lol).

Now we ALL know that music plays a major role in how we feel and what we think. What song was on repeat after the break up?

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Looking back, what was the CRAZIEST thing you did following the break up?

He couldn't wait 11 days... (2)

How Long Did it Take You to Heal? When Did You Forgive?

 I would honestly say it took me a few weeks to forgive. A part of me knew he was not the one for me, and I was almost waiting for a reason to call off the wedding, but had none. The reason I forgave so fast is because I changed everything. I moved out my apartment, and didn’t speak to him or anyone or thing associate with him. Yes that means blocking him on all social media!! Now true healing didn’t happen until I began dating my now husband( 8 years later!!) and realizing I still had huge anger and trust issues that I never addressed. Photo 3

What Was the Most Challenging Part?

Explaining to all my family and friends the story OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. They were more mad about it than I was. So even though I was over it, I had to continuously relive it through repeating the story.

He treats me like a queen

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July

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Vivian Page

I am extremely passionate about empowering African American and Hispanic youth and I strive to connect both communities through the celebration of culture and history.

Read below to hear more about Vivian’s first relationship! And yes, ladies and gentlemen, she broke up with him!

Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you

Self:

I learned how I loved and how I wanted to be loved. I learned that being vulnerable and being open is not a bad thing. Trust is essential in any relationship.

Life:

Everyone has experienced heartbreak and disappointment at some point in life. There is no time limit on grief or forgiveness. Always do what is best for you.

Relationships:

Things happen, people change their minds and that’s okay. Stay true to yourself. Constantly reflect on the purpose the relationship is serving in your life.

What/who was most influential in your healing? How? Why?

Meet Vivian (1)

Now we ALL know that music plays a major role in how we feel and what we think. What song was on repeat after the break up?

I listened to a lot of upbeat music because anything slow, and beautiful, had me in tears.

Looking back, what was the CRAZIEST thing you did following the break up?

I actually wasn’t as crazy as I would have liked. I was still that sweet little girl with her heart broken, so the biggest thing that I did was gather everything he ever gave me, (art, books, clothes, etc) and left it at his doorstep just kinda scattered everywhere.

How long did it take you to heal? When did you forgive?

It actually took me like 2 years to honestly say I was over the situation and forgive him.

Meet Vivian (2)

 

What advice would you give to a young girl or another woman with the fresh wound of a break up? Video Response

Zone in on the woman that you are. Do not blame yourself, and take all the time you need to heal.

June

Ashley Thompson

Ashley enjoys writing, running, DIY projects and occasionally ratchet TV. She currently works in the mortgage industry by day and working on her business, CockTale Hour, by night, a creative hub of entertainment regarding life, love, and laughs.

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Read below to hear about the relationship that changed Ashley’s life the most. She broke up with a young lad and shares that it was no where near mutual!

 

Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you:

Self:

This relationship is where I first learned that you could lose yourself in search of another person. I became the relationship and lost me. I was distanced from my friends and only cared about what he and I had going on. I was totally unfocused on who I was and wanted to become.

Life:

Biggest lesson I learned hands down is that life goes on. After our break up I felt like I was dying. I wouldn’t eat and all I could do was sleep and cry. I later realized that a part of me did die, the part that thought I needed that attachment to be whole. And it’s good that it did. I learned to be resilient and persevere through the adversity I was facing; a transferable skill for most things in life. That break up woke me up to myself and what I was capable of.

Relationships:

He was the first guy I ever really loved. I had an absent father so the relationship between he and I meant more to me than I even really knew at the time. I would have died for him and in retrospect, I know to be a lot more selective with who I give that much power to. When that power is in the wrong hands, it can certainly be abused. I also grew a lot in the relationship. I learned to be aware of my flaws in relationships and learned about baggage –how to carry it and how to unpack it.

 

What/who was most influential in your healing? How? Why?

Meet Ashley

How long did it take you to heal? When did you forgive?

I’m pretty sure I suppressed a lot of my feelings for a few months after I THOUGHT I’d healed. Honestly, I ended up getting in another relationship prematurely (like 8 months later) and it became easier to feel like I’d forgotten my ex. But really all I did was add hurt on top of hurt. That second relationship ended up in flames too. I’d say that I really forgave them both and healed after a year later that I’d split with my second mistake. So altogether healing from 2011-2014 (from both disasters). I feel like I didn’t really forgive my first love until I was no longer distracted by the next love. I can’t stress how important it is to allow yourself the time and space to bounce back before you hop into something else.

 

What was the most challenging part?

“…Accepting that it was really over and not trying everything in my power to try to get it back or restore something irreparable. I caused myself more hell trying to fix a broken mirror, constantly cutting myself on the pieces and getting frustrated that I couldn’t figure out what went where; I did that for years really. Instead of just throwing it away, getting some Neosporin and walking through the ugly alone. I’d been alone through the first part of my life and never really cared because I didn’t know what I was missing. Once I felt what it was like to be “loved”, have affection and companionship, it became something I got hungry for. I had to re-learn how to enjoy my solitude and not sacrifice my peace just to have someone who “cared” but just didn’t care enough. An extremely tough lesson, but valuable nonetheless.”

Ashley’s Nugget of Freedom

Honey-sistuh-girlfriend- child, loss is an inevitable side effect of living long enough. If you live long enough you will get hurt, go through tests and trials, but the point of it all is not the suffrage you feel when going through it, it’s the liberation you experience once it’s over. It’s okay to cry, feel anger, feel betrayal or what have you because you are human… but don’t stay in that place for too long. There is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and it costs you nothing but the price of being yourself. You are enough. You are a queen and whoever broke your heart is nothing more than a fool. You owe nothing to anyone. So say what you want, feel how you feel and do what you want unapologetically. Disconnect for however long it takes you, and then link up with some boss babes who will support you and your endeavors. The right one will come along when you are ready –the thing is you’ll be so happy enjoying the life you’re leading that you won’t even know it’s coming. And that, my dear, is one of the best surprises ever. You will amaze yourself love, cheers to that. –A.

 

 

May

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I am writing about the relationship that I believe changed my life the most.

It was a mutual break up.

Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you:

Self:

Be Patient
 Life:
Be Patient

 Relationships:

Be Patient

 

My friends were there for me! I had the best friend a girl could ask for and GOD (Whom at that time I didn’t have a relationship with). During the time, I was dating him (Lets call him “Music”…) I was so mentally and physically attached and on2520-1ce he and I decided to part ways, my heart and mind were so damaged and ultimately GOD put me back together, mind body and soul. “Music’s” eyes, voice and instruments he played would bring me Joy each morning, and his embrace…smh… gave me life and love like (at that time) I had never experienced. I was gone!! Little did I know GOD would not stand for letting a man that He created take credit in giving me what He already gave me, I just didn’t realize it yet.

Looking back, what was the CRAZIEST thing you did following the break up?

Well…lol..I did several things that were very idiotic. I blocked my number, called him and when he answered played “Dangerously in Love”. I also went to his events at this Open mic spot and would sit real close so he could see me all dolled up and talk to our mutual friends but not him. Once I sat with the young lady he started dating later.

That foolishness carried on for a strong year. Unfortunately, we lost a child during the time frame we dated and the year that marked the miscarriage I remember asking GOD to heal me from that loss and help me forgive. I was hurt. I couldn’t understand how “Music” could help create life but then turn around and take life (according to my 22-year- old heart ). Several years later via FB I did reach out to him and wish him well on his marriage and new born daughter.

Most challenging part…?

I would say the most challenging part was just not being around “Music”. He would play his instruments — we would sing together and just enjoy each other’s company. That to me was LOVE and I didn’t understand why it had to end, even though I did know why it had to end..lol.

.Free’s Nugget of Freedom.

My advice is two-fold. Hopefully you didn’t abandon your friends during the time you dated “Music”, and if you did hopefully they are forgiving and when you reach out to them they don’t hold it over your head. If you’re apart of a group of Christian believers, be honest & tell them about what you’re going through so they can pray for you and hold you accountable based on your healing plan. After that, take some time and write your “Music” an angry letter. All the stuff you didn’t get to say -put it in the letter, then cry, cry and cry some more, delete his number, pictures, FB and IG and all sentimental items go in the trash, cry some more…. then get up! Remember who you are and that you are amazing and deserve to be loved the right way by the right man for you! Start new habits to help you focus on healing—-pray, write a book or exercise, ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

 

March’s Feature

Chanel Free “The Fearless Coach”

Ms. Free

The Fearless Coach made it known that she is very much an “around the way” type of girl. She has 15 years of experience helping women break out of their comfort zones. I have a BA in Psychology, and MA in counseling, and a PH.D in life, which makes the perfect coach for the ordinary woman looking to do extraordinary things.

She had a lot to share about the relationship that changed her life…

 

Did you break up with him or the other way around? Was it mutual?

In 2009, my on again off again boyfriend of 4 years dumped me. Forcing me into a life of singlehood and fear of what my life would be like without a man by my side. This sparked the evolution of the Fearless Coach as I learned that fear was not my enemy, but my friend teaching me valuable lessons and pushing me out of my comfort zone.

Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you:

Self:

I learned that being alone is not so bad and having the time and space to discover myself without an outside influence was priceless.

 Life:

God’s greatest lessons and gifts come from chaos, heartache, and unexpected blessings in disguise. I was truly caught off guard when our relationship ended. But, it presented the perfect opportunity for me to free myself in ways that I never thought possible. Now, when “bad” things happen, I always look up and say to God I know you are up to something great.

 Relationships:

I learned that I “had” a tendency to settle because deep down, I wasn’t sure if I was good enough. Having the time to explore this helped me see that I am more than enough whether I am in a relationship or not.

 

My relationship status has always had a huge impact on who I am. I love being in love. I won’t say thatI am a hopeless romantic (I’m not the mushy type), but I believe in the power of love and I am a rideor die chi.png

How long did it take you to heal? When did you forgive?

It took me about 60 days to heal initially, but to fully come to a point where I was ok took about a year. I don’t remember when I forgave him, I just remember looking at my current life with my new man and baby and comparing the two and thinking…thank God he left me. Because he could have never given me the type of life that I deserved and he knew it. I am now a mother of 3, CEO of 3 businesses, homeowner, and engaged to the man of my dreams. And no matter how much I hoped and prayed he would have never been able to provide me with these things or truly support me along this wonderful & bumpy journey. God knew I wouldn’t leave him, so he made him leave me and it was the best gift I’ve ever received.

My relationship status has always had a huge impact on who I am. I love being in love. I won_t say thatI am a hopeless romantic (I_m not the mushy type), but I believe in the power o

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 February’s Feature

Pachet

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Pronounced Pa-Shay

We asked Pachet to tell us about herself… Tom Hardy was involved lol

I am the Creative Founder of Enduring Ink- a lifestyle brand that focuses on documented self-discovery, creativity and productivity. I am very passionate about writing from journaling to fiction writing, I love it all. I currently homeschool my kids and enjoy cooking and/or baking almost on a daily basis. I have an unhealthy obsession with vampires and Optimus Prime, coffee is my rocket fuel and Tom Hardy is my imaginary husband…lol!

Are you writing about your very first relationship or the one that most changed your life?

My first relationship…it did change my life! It was my ex-husband of one year! I left him after nearly one year of marriage

Lessons Learned…

Self:

I learned that I was NOT supposed to get married at 18! I learned that I was more than worthy of being someone’s punching bag. and I learned that I never wanted anyone to write the ending to my life story.

Life:

I learned that life isn’t perfect and that God is always trying to show us the way while the devil attempts to cover up the path. I learned just how valuable my life was and did not want to take it for granted.

Relationships:

I learned the difference between physical love and unconditional love. We often blur that line because we don’t want to be honest with ourselves and we don’t want to be lonely but physical love is fleeting. Unconditional love stays with you and your partner and it grows. Unconditional love is contagious!

Now we ALL know that music plays a major role in how we feel and what we think. What song was on repeat after the break up?

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Pachet’s Nugget of Freedom

Recognize and accept your worth, forgive yourself and give yourself time to heal. Rushing into another relationship will only make matters worse. Take some time to reassess your desires out of life, reflect and live life naturally before you pursue a new partner.

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Read below for an amazing & truly genuine interview with our very first feature!!

It’s Uh-Say-Shah!!!

An Investment Consultant currently living in Charlotte, NC. She enjoys cooking, watching football and teaching. 

∇This sounds so cliche but I would have to say Jesus [was most influential in my healing…] Once I experienced His love for myself I began to see my worth. Subsequently, it made me want to share His love with everybody!∇


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Are you writing about your very first relationship or the one that most changed your life?

I’m actually writing about my very first relationship which ultimately was the one that changed my life the most. That really broke me down.” 

Did you break up with him or the other way around? Was it mutual?

“At first I thought it was mutual but every couple of months he tries to come back around. I was serious when I said it was over. I guess he wasn’t. He actually found me on Instagram about a month ago!”

 Lessons Learned…

Life:

Life is a learning process. When you go through something try to learn the lesson the first time. Merry go-rounds get pretty boring after a while. ♥

Self: 

It taught me that I didn’t know myself. When you don’t know yourself & your worth -you allow people treat you any kind of way

Relationships:

This relationship taught me that relationships are not the place for childish games. You cannot go into a relationship with the mindset of being petty & then expect the relationship to grow. Successful relationships are hard work and require intentionality in order to truly flourish.

Now we ALL know that music plays a major role in how we feel and what we think. What song was on repeat after the break up?

One time after my boyfriend and I broke up I was in car with my dad and “In Love With Another Man” by Jazmine Sullivan came on and I wanted to fall apart! I don’t even know why. It didn’t even apply to my situation lol! I guess I could feel the passion in her voice.

But when I finally decided the relationship was over for real for real there wasn’t a song on repeat at all. Although I LOVE music I made an intentional decision not to get caught up in the power of music and allow it keep me in that space of emotions. Our emotions are a powerful force alone. Music just intensifies those feelings. I knew I had to move on. 

Looking back, what was the CRAZIEST thing you did following the break up?

I mean, that one thing you look back and LAUGH at because you realize now that it was crazy lol

I plead the fifth. No but for real-which time? We were on and off so often! It was so dysfunctional lol! 

How long did it take you to heal? When did you forgive?

Honestly it took me a while to heal. I took the pain & betrayals of the relationship pretty hard. Personally, I had to make the decision to f o r g i v e before I fully healed. I started the process of forgiving about two years after the relationship ended. I believe I was truly healed about three and a half years after we called it quits. 

 …your forgiveness to others should be unlimited (Matt. 18:21-22). Don’t retaliate when you’re treated badly (Luke 6:27-36). Be gracious to others (John 8:4-11). Serve others even when they don’t deserve it (John 13:2-5). Jesus was that dude!…

Uh-Say-Shah’s Nugget of Freedom:

Processed with Rookie CamTake time to heal. For some people it won’t take long but for others it’s a hard and arduous journey because there are other things you need to deal with. Know yourself and where you are in the process. People tried so hard to make me start dating again. I declined because I knew I would probably hurt that person because of where I was mentally and emotionally.  

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